Disaster has struck. I know I sound a bit insane. I mean, obviously I’m not but I realise that I definitely sound a little nuts. No but seriously, today was supposed to be the best day of my life, and then Dan arrived and ruined EVERYTHING. I knew we never should have invited that guy, he practically destroys everything he touches. But Jack insisted and I never thought he’d be so stupid as to wreck my wedding.

My mistake. A lesson learned the hard way. We had the wedding ceremony outside, everything was planned out to the last detail and it was all set to be perfect. Absolutely perfect in every way. And for a moment, it was. At least, the ceremony was, and I can hang on to that memory. But, almost as soon as the ceremony was done, Dan drove up over the grass and right up to the chairs. No, apparently he’s too good to park in the assigned parking area. So he decided to drive that old ute literally into the reception, his brand new roof racks and bars holding up what I can only assume was meant to be our wedding gift. I’m still unclear what exactly it was supposed to be, but whatever it was, it was hideous. I was impressed the roof rack could hold the weight.

When he got there, Dan just kind of set up shop. It was as if he didn’t realise that the rest of us were heading off to the wedding reception. He actually got his gas bottle holders out and started to cook. What a guy. Who in their right mind shows up to a wedding and decides to just randomly set up a barbecue in the middle of it? Doesn’t he have any common sense at all?

I had a right mind to give the gas bottle holders a swift kick but I fear they would have done more damage to me. While half the crowd at the wedding completely ignored him, the other half cheered to join him, laughing while he cooked them sausages. Like I said at the beginning – what an utter disaster.