What do you do when you get an unexpected windfall? Most people would say to put the money in the bank, but…I’ve never been most people. My lack of impulse control is the reason I was so poor to begin with. No real addictions, mind you; I’m just bad with money. Mum and Dad never taught me to be careful with the stuff- probably because they weren’t themselves- so I’ve been living in the same student house since I graduated and got a job. Not even used to having savings, so now that my uncle is dead and I’ve been left some serious money, all I’m thinking about is spending it.

No…need to do something better. Buying a house is an investment, right? That does sound good. But then Hugh told me about these buyers advocates in Melbourne who could help me out.

Now, that’s weird, because Hugh works at the local $2 shop and he spends half of his time at home playing ‘War of World-Craft’, and only because it went free-to-play years ago. The other half is chatting to his online American girlfriend, who we’ve all figured out by now is actually a financial scammer. Hugh hasn’t got the memo. And yet he’s telling me about buyers advocates? I really don’t want to think about what it’d be like if he ever got some money and was going to buy a house. Someone online would probably scam him into buying an actual bridge. But I do like the idea, because when it comes to high-end property, I have no idea what I’m doing. Like, I’d probably end up buying a haunted mansion or something. At least I know there are people out there who can give me a bit of guidance. So, Melbourne’s property advocates can take care of the searching, while I just…try not to buy anything in the meantime. I mean, I really like the idea of a boat, but..

Okay. Yeah. This is why I’ve never had money. Fate knows that I can’t handle it.

-Tim